Who doesn't like a fresh start?

Also, this is my horoscope for 2013

So what can you do

When you go through something, and you think your friends would understand and be there...and they aren't. What can you do.

You could try to explain to them where you were coming from. You can let them know they hurt you.

Pretty sure I did that. Pretty sure I was silently there for them when they needed help.

What can I do? Appreciate the people who were there. Realize the relationship isn't healthy. They are who they are, and it's not what I want or need.

I don't want friends that act like they're in high school...in the wrong kind of way.

And then this is negative. Heartbreak expanded from one person to ten.

But I'll leave it all in 2012. Not the strength, I'll keep that. But the negativity and heart ache.

I like this list

http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/10-things-that-will-make-you-happier-at-home-174151

So what does the person you'd like to be look like?

Heart sinking

Eye heavy. Bad day. No good.

Me

Endless opportunities.

That

Was a parting gift.

Now done. And I move to better things.

I feel different this week

Kind of like I had to hit a little dark low before I could move on. The darkest hour is before the dawn.

I see a great future. I have hope. I see who I want to be. Where I want to go.

It feels pretty solid and pretty great.

Chris and I both recognized I needed to do something for myself. I'm thinking about what this thing could be and it's sending off sparks. I want to travel. Peru's my number one, but just anywhere. I want to take guitar lessons. Work on my art. Maybe take glass blowing lessons. Keep writing. And boy oh boy, do I ever need to get this physical activity in order.

Marie was talking about a shopping trip to the states that she took with Sean. And I started thinking about the healthy lady I want to be, and how great it would be to go into the stores I love and buy clothes I love. Fuck it bitches-fashion is important to me. I'm not happy at this weight, and I just want to wear some killer clothes that make me feel awesome.

I look in vogue and see a dress that makes my lips tingle and heart race. Now that's a little bit of love and lust there.

And Chris, my goodness Chris. I feel like our relationship is great. Unique and special. But I need to nurture it, appreciate it always, and show him like he's always showing me.

So bright new beginnings. Let's go.

Open up

There is a whole world of possibilities.

I think the thing is

Is I've become a bore.

The only thing I have to say to people is...blah blah blah... Everything fell to shit...friends turned to assholes...fuck this shit.

No coffee since Sunday

Head hurts
Head hurts

Regret regret regret

You will regret everything

Green tea green tea green tea

Regret regret regret

I do not regret a fucking thing

You know how I feel now

If you make a sincere apology, and it's not accepted. And historically one party has been a fucking disaster to the other. That's it, it's done.

Leave it behind and move forward.

And if you're feeling weird about it just know...that assholes will always be assholes. There's some comfort in that.


Now to be unapologetic.

So I'll be good, I'll be a better person

be so good on the inside that it glows and emanates. because I don't want to feel any negativity like I have over the past few months.

spread it and let it come back.

29

This is my last year in my twenties. I'm feeling it.

I don't think I handle birthdays well. Or maybe just the hangovers after. Maybe I don't handle those well.

Anyway. Next year is going to be a big one for me and when I get there-I want to be a lot closer to the person I want to be.

Today I'm feeling weird. I'm feeling a bit sad. Little empty in my chest. Not a big fan of myself.

I've gained back 24 pounds that I lost. There is a cloud hanging over my friendships. My job is still stressful. I'm not reading. I'm not painting. I had trouble buying clothes.

Thirty means something to me, and I want it to be something good. Twenty-nine is the year of goodness. The year of being the type of person I want to be. I want to be a good wife and a good friend. I want to make people feel good about themselves.

And all of the sudden

She stopped reading... Picking up books and just putting them down. Leaving them. Something doesn't feel right.

This is a point in my life

It is very interesting. No doubt.

I'm making decisions, big ones. And trusting that I have the knowledge and experience to make the right ones. There's some kind of stupid saying-maybe even dr. Phil saying, life is about making a decision and then making the best out of it. I don't know. It's idiotic.

You make decisions, some are good, some are bad.

I took a pay cut and started a new job. It's going to be a hard year, but I know if I give my best, it'll create more opportunity. Smart people know this is a good decision.

I quit my band because of an inability to deal with another band member. Good decision? Probably, but it fucking sucks a lot. It's better to leave a band if you're not happy, right? Like a bad relationship. I just wish it didn't have to be me.