peace and love and home

pulling away from my friend Josh's apartment in Toronto... I felt such peace. It was nice to remember what it felt like to laugh with him. He's a really great person and I miss having him around.

mainly peace as peace as life will be.

It's easy to get trapped in a dark winter world that is Ottawa. to see nothing but the people and work in front of you.

you can forget who you are a little bit.

you can forget that you're beautiful.

you can forget that you love the world.

you can forget the joy of your family. and the picture of sleeping in papa's pond on the pink couch.

20 kisses on my face would be better

I can't believe that when I was in school, someone made me do a presentation on Balinese Cockfights. Do you know how many times I had to say cock?

right now I've got sad hearts

I'm going to have a hot bath, read great house (which isn't called good house, btdubs). and maybe I'll pull out some Christmas business. I had a great impromptu date with the husbo. took him to the imperial for dins. add lime aioli on blackened cod. snuck out and got him special dessert. that was nice.

Some how I think a bath can fix everything.

MOMA

I thought we had made a major mistake going on the free night. It's not how I like a gallery. I want quiet. I want to get close enough to see textures. I want to allow myself to be captured by whatever the fuck captures me.

I didn't want the crowds of tourists and art students impeding my pleasures. my emotions. my thoughts. my experience.

Greedy little lady.

It's funny that I was surprised by the jam packed escalators. A jam packed attraction in New York?

I didn't research the gallery. I don't like book blurbs, I don't like movie trailers. It's not that I like surprises. I just like the opportunity to figure shit out on my own.

Anyway,

It blew my mind.

I had trouble holding back tears when I saw Picasso's Les Demoiselles d'Avignon. I had appreciated him in an art history context, and I loved his striped sweaters, but he's never been one of my favourites. Walking into a room full of his work stunned me. I saw how Andree and Marie could love him. Chris caught me and said it was okay for me to cry, but I sucked it back because I felt foolish.

and it didn't stop there. moved and moved again I was. Matisse's bold colours. Klimt always. and Monet's massive water lilies. They made my lips tingle. I never knew!!

and then Diego Rivera and Frida Kahlo. I saw on the ground floor that Kahlo's art was there....and to be honest...on the 6th floor, my excitement may have rushed me through a little. Like a child trying to unwrap a Christmas present slowly so they wont seem rude. I saw Diego Rivera's work first....thick and bold.

and I saw her!

Frida Kahlo. I think I love her because her work is so emotional. disturbing. beautiful. mexican. woman. all things I love. and being so close to her work was unbelievable. I was...in disbelief.

Here's a picture I feel silly about. I feel silly writing all of this, really.

It's called Fulang-Chang and I. Fulang-Chang is the monkey.

She gave the painting to her friend and made the mirror so that they could be together. Of course I had to take the opportunity to be with her too. It looks like I ended up being with Frida and Diego at the same time. which is kind of creepy! Makes me feel like the monkey.